4 weeks had passed since we started dating officially, and it’s been a hectic ride I must say. Whoever is reading this, and has been in a single relationship or marriage for more than 10years, I’d need past questions (whether hard or soft copy) on how to keep a successful relationship. The fact that I’d have to be part of her everyday life, have to experience her different shades of emotions firsthand, always have to be on speed dial just in case she needs my attention for whatever reasons… I really had to make some big adjustments these past few weeks; but I guess it’s worth it.
It’s not like I on the other hand have been a perfect soul; Naaaaah!!! There have been times that I actually over-reacted about some certain issues, not like it was intentional, but retrospectively, I think I could have done better on those occasions.
For example, I happen to have come from a home where decent dressing is held in high esteem; Like my mum would practically have an emotional breakdown or call down fire where possible, if you wear revealing outfits as a lady, or wear ripped Jean or other sorts as a guy. So it became part of us (myself and my siblings) to always dress decently and as much as possible, be in the company of those who dress alike. For that reason, when I go out and see someone who doesn’t dress decently, (I mean, according to my mum’s standards 😂) I tend to raise an eyebrow subconsciously, while consciously trying not to be judgy.
So there was this day we had arranged to go see a movie at the cinema. We planned to meet at a particular junction from where we were meant to take a keke (tricycle) to the cinema together. Upon seeing hanty, I noticed the top she wore exposed a great portion of her cleavage😏🙄. At first, I tried to suppress my disapproval, but after fighting so much with my thoughts, I told her how I wasn’t comfortable with what she was wearing and my reasons. Ofcourse she wasn’t comfortable with the fact that I did disapprove of her style of dressing; it came off more like me trying to totally control her and she wasn’t okay with it at all. I tried to explain to her how I wasn’t being territorial and all, but things ended up south; ofcourse we didn’t go see the movie again.
I felt so bad, not just because we didn’t get to see the movie again, but because I created a bad impression of being authoritative and dictative. Probably I could have done better, maybe I could have handled things differently and still pass my message across, I probably would have allowed the outing to continue as planned and talk about the outfit when we got home. Maybe, just maybe.
I apologized, and promised such wouldn’t repeat itself again. It was a clear case of misconception, but I also learnt from that experience that we are actually different, from different backgrounds, having separate opinions and principles about life. We need to strike a balance, get to compromise where necessary and appreciate the differences and diversities in our life’s core values; then and only then can we avoid such occurrences, or so I think.
I happen to have a very cordial relationship with my ex-girlfriends; reason being that, a majority of my previous relationships started from a foundation of solid friendship, before graduating into a relationship. So when the relationship fails, we fall back to being friends, or atleast do not burn the bridge of communication, such that one can still reach the other where and when neccesary. This particular day, Stephanie was having some family issues and needed someone to talk to; she was actually getting depressed. She called me, and we got talking for hours on the phone. I tried counseling her and telling her what to do and all. She eventually calmed down and actually felt better when we finished talking. Meanwhile, hanty had called me on 3 different occasions while we were talking, but because of how sensitive the conversation was, I couldn’t pick. I eventually called her back when the call ended and told her I was on the phone with a friend who needed some sort of counseling and that the issue was quite sensitive, that’s why I couldn’t pick her call. She grudgingly let it slide and things went on.
A few days later, she came visiting and was playing with my phone when she stumbled upon a text message Steph sent me the morning after our conversation.
Thanks so much for last night. You’re still as sweet as you’ve always been.
I only noticed her demeanor had changed, and then asked her what the problem was.
Who is Stephanie?
On hearing those words, and seeing how straight her face was, I knew there was problem in the neighbourhood. My mind quickly drifted to the text she had sent me a few days ago and how I didn’t delete it because my intents were pure; and Ofcourse I wasn’t expecting that she’d go through my phone and see it, but here we are. How do I now explain to her that Stephanie was an ex-girlfriend and just a friend? How do I explain to her that the text wasn’t what she thought it meant? I mean just go back and read the message again. I was in deep shit, or like we’d popularly say in Warri, “Yawa Don gas”.
Eeerm! Eeeeh Steph is just my friend. We we we uuuused to emm, ehm.. She’s my ex-girlfriend from…
My explanation and sudden stuttering nature was cut short when she threw the phone at me, picked up her bag and stormed out of the room as though she was going to…
What have I done? Now I’m faced with the challenge of explaining Steph’s identity, and what the message she sent meant. I mean, she doesn’t even know she was the reason I didn’t take her calls the other night; what will now happen when she learns that?
I tried calling her line afterwards, it was switched off, my messages weren’t delivering on whatsapp, I could no longer see her status update. Could she have blocked me?
Please I need your opinion on these;
- Is it healthy to keep communicating with one’s ex?
- Is it appropriate for one to go through his/her partner’s messages?
- Would it be right if I had deleted the message, or lied about Steph’s identity?